Laser Beam

The eternal mantra of the broken-hearted... is it really over?

Birdsong from the blossom, just outside my window, the paint-cracked sash like a third speaker, the lullaby trill merges with the harmonies of Low's Things We Lost In The Fire - not the most obvious spring soundtrack. Awake for 3 hours but yet fully connected to the world, the day, the new season.

We didn't really talk about it. The little discussion there was got blurred with booze, the truth of the sentiments made fuzzy by the need to substantiate feelings. We're not computers Sebastian, we're physical.

Whatever we have done, whatever we've said, and supposedly decided, we can only hope that the gain outweighs this initial loss and the pain. The loss I feel, and the pain I have afflicted on my loved one. She didn't ask for this, and if she did she didn't really mean to. I didn't want to end it, but I felt we should bring our love, as it stands, to a close.

Dear Helen, I need your grace... How can we ever hope to explain our motivation, our rationale, when we don't understand them ourselves?